Sorry. I’ve been a little preoccupied lately – caring for and nourishing a little human is apparently time consuming.

<shrug>

Who knew?

SO. Wow. Mommyhood. No one told me. Yeah, they said – oh, diapers and no sleep… but no one sat me the hell down and was like, “AMBER. Baby Bootcamp. You’re not even ready for this shit.”

Picture the hardest thing you’ve ever done. Like maybe you hiked 20 miles or had a really hard job or something… This? The hardest thing I’ve ever done. Not in, like, a bad way. Like a bitching “Oh, knee deep in diapers and colic” way, But more like a… “WOW – there is NO TIME for anything else” way.

And before you’re all, “What a pussy. It’s a baby.” Like – no. Just… no. I’ve done hard stuff. I’ve pulled all nighters and accomplished impossible projects and worked 60 hour weeks at 2 jobs while taking a full college course semester… But this…

Oh, you have to pee? Hold it. Oh, you haven’t eaten in 4 hours? Sorry. Should’ve thought about that before you sat down to nurse me, because I ain’t waiting for your ass.

Just…. CONSTANT. Neverending.

I imagine it’s similar to being in the Marines and being up for 48 hours straight with your drill Sergeant screaming in your face while you try to keep your eyes open after you’ve run an obstacle course and scarfed down your meal in 1.5 minutes. Or like that scene on lost where they have to look at the wall of images that just keep going and going.

First, though, before you think I hate my new role – I’ll tell you… That face. Holy mess of melt my heart. There has never been more love for anything, ever, pretty sure.

But, wow. I never understood why women wanted to become stay at home moms. Because, yeah, I’ve been mostly a career person. I’d say working for myself is rewarding. But this is way more awesome. I’m growing a human. I mean, I did it in my body, but literally – I’m helping him grow. 2 lbs in a month!

That’s breastmilk for you.

In a short month we’ve already battled a tongue tie (taken care of, compliments of Dr. Punger in Ft. Pierce), worrisome weight loss, potential “jaundice” — to come out a month later with the most perfect little man there ever was.

GDIAPERS
We’re seriously loving gDiapers. In the interest of full disclosure, I will say that if he sits too long in them (3+ hours) and wets more than once – they do make the outer cover damp. I imagine that that’s because the snap in liner is meant to breathe. Even with the largest of poo-splosions it manages to contain everything. Though the liner does get poop on it, but we have like 16 extra (thanks to the gdiaper swap). Laying the liners in the sun gets the baby poo stains out, which is kinda awesome.

CLOTH WIPES
The cloth wipes with the wipe solution have been amazing. You can use cloth wipes for anything. Literally (this is straight up glamorous) I was using them as nursing pads the other day and pulled one out of my shirt to wipe the poop off Kyle’s arm when he went to put KJ in the bath and he had a little accident. They get softer and more absorbent in every wash and are great for his sensitive skin. (2 days of babyganics wipes caused him an epic diaper rash in the first few days home).

PUJ TUB
Or as Kyle and I fondly refer to it, “The POOOOJ”
The most amazing tub ever. Fits right into the sink so you can bathe him standing up. He is all curled up in it and you leave the water running onto him. SO MUCH BETTER than sponge baths or kneeling by a tub.   He loves it. The water runs out the sides while it’s running so it’s constantly warm in the bath too. Get one. You’re welcome.

BREASTFEEDING
Easily the hardest part of caring for him. If labor was hard, breastfeeding has been a serious battle. It would be so easy to use formula. But we trudged through it, and I think we’re at a point where everything is working out. My nipples (the same ones I complained were becoming too big during pregnancy) are very small, and with his tongue tie we had a lot of trouble latching. After 1.5 days of syringe feeding I finally got some nipple shields. He’s been more easily able to latch, but lately they’ve caused him gas – which is not a fun thing for a newborn. (Causes late night screaming. And crying. You’re crying, he’s screaming.)

TECH SHIT
I couldn’t have gotten him on a routine or been able to speak intelligently to the pediatrician about anything after that first week without the Total Baby app. It’s $4.99 but TOTALLY worth it. You time his feedings, which boob he’s on, when you last changed him, whether it was a poop/pee or both diaper, when he last had a bath, and how long he’s slept for. It tracks trends in his day and you start to literally see how the routine is forming. Really cool. Also useful when you’re half asleep and can’t remember what boob he last fed from or how long it’s been since you last changed his diaper. PANDORA and the WHITE NOISE APP are also can’t-live-without apps. There’s a lullaby station that’s perfect for soothing baby, and when you’re 5 S-ing him – The white noise app makes it so you don’t pass out from all the shush-ing you’re doing. (The 5 S’s are from the Happiest Baby on the Block – swaddle, side, shush, swing, suck….I don’t think it’s in that order – but it’s magic. Even when he’s gassy it calms him down for a few minutes.)

LITERAL SHIT
I’m not one to stare into the toilet after I go, so keeping track of the color of his shit is something that was a little weird for me. Literally I sent pictures of  it to Kyle and we analyzed it together. Is it yellow enough? Is the consistency normal? Yeah, baby poo. #Thingsyouobsessoverasanewmom

BABY BLANKETS
Weird thing. SO MANY PEOPLE got us baby blankets. At one point I remember distinctly being like, “I will never in my life use half of these baby blankets” – but I use them all. Receiving blankets go over changing pads to change them on, they get used as extra burp cloths… the super comfy soft ones there’s always one within reach… one for him to use on the swing, in his car seat, an extra in the car, in the diaper bag, on the couch, in the bedroom… Apparently newborns get cold

Probiotics and Tummy Calm (Gripe water doesn’t work for us) have been fairly useful. Probiotics he gets every day to supplement since we had antibiotics during labor and tummy calm is used in emergency situations when he loses his shit and is screaming. We try not to use it often, even if it is organic… I’m not one for being reactive when it comes to care.

Other shit that’s been awesome… nursing bras and shirts (I spent so much money on these, I wish I would’ve thought to put them on my registry), medela lanolin, burp cloths, Honest healing balm (the ONLY diaper cream that he doesn’t get a rash with – we’ve tried 3 others)…I think that’s it, really. He doesn’t sleep in his bassinet. Doesn’t really like his swing. His bouncer ran out of batteries like 2 weeks ago and we haven’t bought more… He enjoys sleeping in his Mombo (breastfeeding pillow that I no longer use because my arms are nice and strong now).

As hard as it is, I really can’t complain. He sleeps like a champ and lets me work while he’s sleeping. I’m trying to get used to taking him out without being anxious as hell that he’ll lose it. I keep telling myself (on advice from Kiera) that if he loses his shit, the world will not end. But he lost it at his first chiro appointment and I was bawling like a child because I had forgotten my nipple shields and he wouldn’t calm down.

Best advice that I should use more often: sleep when he sleeps. I try, but between laundry and picking up and getting things done for work it’s not really possible. So when 8pm rolls around – literally, every day, like clockwork, I feel like I’ve gotten run over by a bus and I literally cannot function. It’s really taken a toll on Kyle and I’s relationship. A few times I didn’t think we would make it – but instead of bickering for an hour straight we’re down to about 10 minutes. Taking care of a baby for 12 straight hours (really 24, but 12 without much help) makes you, literally, insane. Pregnancy hormones had nothing on lack of sleep lack of rationality (I don’t think that’s right, grammatically. Anyway.)

Also – baby blues. Totally real. I think I cried every single day for like an hour. Just because. Sometimes I would have a “reason” – like he would be crying and I would just be so tired. But sometimes he’d be sleeping in my arms and I’d just be crying for no reason. And wondering what I was thinking bringing a baby into the world that I can’t care for. I wondered in the first few weeks why so many people will say to you, “You’re doing a great job.” — Well, yeah. I mean, I haven’t killed him… You don’t realize how much you really need to hear that to internalize it. Because when he loses his shit you’re positive that you’re the worst mother in the world.

It still makes me cry.

I don’t know. I think I’m too hard on myself. I always am. But I’ve never been so anxious and worried over something. Is he eating enough? Is he gaining enough weight? Is he sleeping enough? Why is he crying? Is he crying too much? Am I interacting with him enough? Is he eating for long enough? Is he pooping enough? Why does his poop look like that? Why is he gassy? What am I doing wrong? Am I eating enough? Is my supply ok? Am I staying hydrated? Will he stay asleep long enough for me to do X?

We’re cosleeping. Sorry. I just jumped topics without a good transition for you – but it just popped in my head as something I have to mention before you get too sick of reading this novel. Like, bedsharing style. The kind that’s super controversial. He sleeps in the crook of my arm in bed. We get amazing sleep that way. He sleeps for 3.5-4 straight hours in two stints. When he moves or fusses (only when he’s ready to eat, usually) I wake right up and feed him and we fall back asleep together after he eats. I can never imagine rolling over on him or smothering him. I’m not really sure how that happens. If he breathes in a certain way I wake right up. It’s crazy because I thought those hippy moms were crazy. But in these first few weeks/months I don’t think I’d be able to survive or sleep at all without him right there.

I’m sure there’s so much more to write about, but he’s stirring and I’ve got work to do – so… there it is. Motherhood. I am a mom. I’m actually a pretty good mom. We’re figuring things out more every day. He’s getting really predictable… and he’s really pretty awesome. And, not to mention, the cutest baby in the history of the world.

That doesn’t hurt things at all.

After all the preterm scares… the countdown… the endless waiting… the wondering… the false “prodromal” labor…

Friday night was I positive it was it. I got so much done with work  and then I went into a little cleaning fit in anticipation of Kiera and Ed coming into town and our party the next day, and afterwards I was ravenous. We left the house around 8:30 to get an air freshener and stopped at 5 Guys for dinner. (Yeah, the gestational diabetes diet had gone out the window at this point. Continual contractions make for a tired body that just wants to eat everything in sight). I had this strange pressure in my mid section – kind of like when you ride the Gravitron. The contractions were very intense. It was different than any other contractions that I’d had. Lots of back pain that went to the front and tons and tons of pressure. They did end up getting to 5 minutes apart, and we decided to try going to the hospital (Yet again. Third time’s a charm, right?)

Only, we got there and they checked me – only 1cm dialated and 70% effaced. Blllaaaahhhhh. I was so disappointed, mainly because I was positive that I would never “know” for sure when he would come. The pain wasn’t intense, but because I tested positive for Group B Strep, it meant we had to get antibiotics in for at least 4 hours before he came… so knowing that was making me nervous about being “too late”. Even though Sam assured me as a first timer it wouldn’t be an issue.

Ugh. So, home we went. The contractions lasted all through the night and changed the next morning. They felt much more crampy and while it was a deep intensity, the “pain” was shallower than just the tightness I felt before. I knew for sure (hah, like the other 3 times) that this was different. If these got closer together – it was it, 100%. They stayed 10 minutes apart all night long. Woke me up a few times. Didn’t get much closer together. The next morning we woke up early. I got 4-5 hours of sleep. Was pretty exhausted, but we were having people over – so we had to get some stuff prepped. Kept it BYOB and an app so it was a cheap party, but Kyle had to set up the TVs and everything. During the game the contractions were getting progressively stronger. I kept interrupting mid-conversation and running over to my phone to time them. I’m not sure why I didn’t relax.

A little after half time Kiera and I went to the baby consignment store. I realized that I didn’t have many of the cuffed PJs that cover up their hands with little mittens – so I got a cute pair (don’t worry, that was the only thing I bought) and we went back home. The rest of the game was stressful, so I’m not sure if that or everyone finally leaving is what made my contractions start to get closer together, but by 7pm they were around 6 minutes apart. I told Sam I wouldn’t go in until they were 5 minutes apart for over an hour – so we decided to go to Ed’s parents house for a late dinner. His dad bought amazing, massive juicy ribeye steaks. No offense to Kyle, but I’m pretty sure that was the most perfectly on temperature (rare) steak that I’ve ever had. That, broccoli and a sweet potato were an AMAZING pre labor dinner.

The contractions were getting so close and intense that I had to close my eyes and breathe through them while sitting at the table. No one seemed to mind, though. Kiera was excited. We’ve been texting back and forth my entire pregnancy – and little Eddie is 5 months old. After dinner we got our bags and went in. It was go time. I told Kyle to drink some water, but I don’t think he actually believed it was time. (Can you blame him?)

We got into triage and Bry (pronounced Brie) was there. She was my nurse the first time we went int at 31 weeks. I hugged her. They told me that Nancy (the nursing director that I connected with after hearing the amazing stories about Cape Coral Hospital) had reserved a special suite for me. She checked me and looked confused, she couldn’t seem to find my cervix. Immediately I’m thinking, “I haven’t progressed at all if she can’t feel anything!” and she finally said, “You’re 5 to 6 cm, 100% effaced with bulging waters.” WOOOHOOOOO!!!

FINALLY. We were admitted. At this point – I was all Eminem. Because I built it all up. I mean – who broadcasts all their birth intentions on Facebook? It was time to put up or shut up. Natural birth. I wanted to experience it. No drugs. Just Kyle, my baby, and me – intervention free. No one telling me when to push. Just my body.

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted in one moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

Yeah, I really did just quote Eminem in my birth story. So – we walk over. Bry goes over all the paperwork. Sarah goes to do my IV. I’m anxious as hell. Way more anxious than during contractions – because I just know… 10,000 pricks, blown veins… But none of it! She got me on the first try and didn’t have to go at a vein in my hand! I was ELATED.

The contractions were getting a lot more intense. Kyle turned the lights down. The little guy was doing amazing on the monitors. Everyone kept commenting on how active he was and how great his heart rate was. My little awesome trooper.

A few hours later – let’s just say shit was getting real. I took the monitors off and labored around the room. Different positions. In the tub for awhile – which provided nice relief, but the tubs are narrow – so you feel like you want to spread out and can’t, so I kept getting up, getting back into the bed, kneeling on the bed. There was so much back pain – Kyle put pressure in the spot that the chiropractor showed him when I first described the preterm contractions I was having. My body was so fatigued after such little sleep that I kept nodding off in between contractions, only to wake up and immediately demand that Kyle rub my back. He was really awesome.

He had my essential oil ready, kept me hydrated by giving me water, massaged me the entire time.

The contractions seemed to be getting continuous. I tried the 20 in and 20 out breathing – because I kept telling myself, if contractions last 90 seconds – it’s only a matter of time in between my breathing that it’ll stop. But goddamn – they came so frequently. I had to be close.

I made Bry check me again. 8 cm.

We were getting there. I couldn’t take it any more. I was progressing more slowly from 7-8 than I did from 5-7… so getting to 10 felt like a century. I needed Sam there. I’m not sure why. I felt like Sam had the key to making everything go faster. Because if she was there – then we had to be close.

Not so much. Sam hung out for quite awhile. But I just wouldn’t go past 9 cm. I was begging Kyle to help me figure out how to get him out. I just kept saying, “He’s not coming. He’s not coming.”

But this is what I wanted, right? Intervention free. FML. I couldn’t remember why I wanted intervention free. Epidural? DO IT. FUCK YEAH.

I never asked for it. I asked them to get the baby out. I asked for help. I asked when it was going to be over. I asked permission to push. “When you feel the urge.” — but I’ve been feeling the urge for 4 fucking hours. I was just so exhausted. I’ve never been so exhausted in my life. I was so mad at myself – why the FUCK would we have a party the day before I was supposed to give birth? Why did I want labor to come? I’m not ready. I just need a few more days.

I got checked again. Still just 9 CM (I think. Stuff gets fuzzy around now). But it had been hours. I cried a few times. He wouldn’t come. This damn baby wouldn’t come. I said to Sam, “Get him out!” I remember being pissed because she was sitting on the couch on her phone. She was supposed to know what to do. She had the secret! Share the fucking secret, Sam! You know what she said (this is why I love her), “They don’t come with handles, babe.”

Intervention free. That’s what I wanted. That’s what I was getting.

Holy fuck.

The nurses switched shifts, that meant it was 7am. I was mad that Bry was leaving. She couldn’t just leave! We were all in this together. Amanda came on. Amanda from Ohio.

I was done. I was going to push. Screw this baby. I’ll get him out.

I told them I wanted to push. We got on the bed. At this point I had long ago shed my gown. All I had on was my sports bra. I wouldn’t let them touch me with the monitors, so they used a small doppler to check his heartbeat every once in awhile. I started pushing.

And pushing…

and pushing…

Everyone looked encouraged. “We can see the head!” they said

FOREVER I’d been pushing. “How many more?” I asked. They all looked at me. I was the only one who knew. But I didn’t know. GET THE DAMN BABY OUT, AMBER. JUST PUSH HIM THE FUCK OUT. Ok….

Kyle looked at me. He saw the head too, he was smiling. But when I looked up at the mirror, all I saw was the tiniest little hole and a little bit of black (his hair). It doesn’t take medical training to know that a babies head ain’t coming out of that shit any time soon.

No. This was wrong. I had to get up.

I pushed in the tub.

I pushed on the toilet.

I pushed kneeling next to the couch.

I pushed laying next to the couch.

I felt like a goddamn Dr. Suess book. “Will you labor here or there? Will you labor on that chair?” 

I will labor everywhere. Get this baby out, Sam. 

At one point I layed down on the floor next to the couch, completely spent. Fuck this. Fuck this baby. I don’t need a baby. I need sleep. Sleep would be awesome. I look up and right in front of my face next to the TV is a VHS tape, “Epidural IQ”

That’s not funny at all.

Okay. Back on the bed. I will get this baby out. He’s coming out. Let’s do this. I pushed laying down on the bed. What an awful way to push. He was stuck under my public bone, Sam said. His head is crooked and that’s why I had trouble dilating. It’s why I’m pushing for so long. I laid on my left side and there was excruciating pain. Way worse than contraction pain. I stood over the bed, and I pushed. I kneeled next to the bed. Gravity. Let’s do this. Help me out.

His head was coming. I could feel it. No literally, I felt his hair on his head. The most insane shit ever. That’s why I pulled it together and was like, “No one is getting him out but you. Push him out.”

I pushed like a crazy woman. I had my arms leveraged under the bed pushing up on it like I was trying to lift it. He crowned. People call it the “ring of fire” – holy mess of burning. It was insane. At that moment, my contractions stopped. WHAAAATTT – NO.. COME ON CONTRACTIONS, THIS BURNS. I pushed out the last bit of his head and Sam helped with the shoulders. Pushed again – he literally flew out of me. I picked him up and there he was.  And his honky hematoma head.

I think my first words to him were, “Oh my god, what did I do to you?” 

Not even kidding. It looked like someone wrapped a rubber band around a portion of his head. Sam said it was from being caught under my pubic bone – but goddamn. A big crooked spot. WOW.

He cried and it was amazing. And Kyle and I just kept looking at each other like, “We did it.”

In complete awe. It was so crazy. Sam called me Warrior Woman and said that if I got an epidural I would’ve had a C-section. I pushed for 2.5 hours because of his crooked head. Stubborn little shit.

Kyle cut the cord. Sam assured us his head would be fine in less than 12 hours. I wasn’t sure – it was pretty janky looking. (of course, within 12 hours, he was fine).

They weighed him. 7 lbs 7 oz. 20.75 inches of freakin’ perfect awesome baby. Gestational diabetes my ass. He was perfect.

Thank god for baby hats. What a crooked head.

Sunday night I had contractions 10 minutes apart for 5 straight hours – went to bed and woke up – they were 6-8 minutes apart, and then 4-6 minutes apart. But we went to breakfast and came back, took a walk to get them going more, and by around 1:30 they disappeared. Prodromal labor, it’s called. Sam said it can go on for days. It sucks. SO BAD. We were literally packed up in the car and about to page her when they stopped. I REFUSE to enter the hospital again for a false alarm this time.

Customized gDiapers. SO CUTE.

Same deal last night – very intense strong contractions about 8 minutes apart after standing in line at the voting precincts, lasted about 4 hours, then halted around 8:00.

Getting a few today, but nothing worth timing. Last night while we were walking around Publix grabbing some soda and stuff for my sister’s party I had lots of those cervical change sensations during my contractions – so hopefully at least they’re doing something.

I’m taking out my frustration by buying more baby stuff. I got some awesome custom gDiapers, more wipe solution, and my chalkboard elephant decal finally came in the mail. On top of that Julie came to visit last week and got me a BlaBla doll and her mom made this adorable custom art piece that read “Kyle Jr” out of illustrated animals. AND Cori sent me a crochet bunny that she made! Adorably awesome.

Crochet rabbit that Cori made KJ

Now for some bad news. I tested positive for Group B Strep. It’s basically a bacteria that a third of people have in their intestines that sometimes colonizes you and puts the baby at risk to get an infection upon delivery. (Yeah, way to fail, disgusting body. WTF.) I was a little upset – because we’ve already got the gestational diabetes concerns, so this just mounted it. It’s really common and not something like… sexually transmitted or anything gross or weird like that… but still kinda makes you feel disgusting, even though there’s little you can do about it. According to the research I’ve done, it comes and goes with people and you can test negative after you’ve tested positive within a few days – but I think we’ll just go with this. Basically it means that they’ll want a 48 hour hospital stay instead of a 24 hour one (BUT there’s a possibility that I can sign him out after 24 hours anyway “against medical advice”) and that I have to have IV (BOOOOO!!!!) antibiotics in the hospital and take probiotics because those antiobiotics will eliminate some of me and baby’s good tummy bacteria. The antibiotics take a 1/200 chance of infection to 1/4000. I know I’m kinda scarred from the massive bruise that lasted 3 weeks last time, and an IV will inhibit my mobility and ability to flail around mindlessly, but hey – these are the sacrifices we make.

from Julie & her mom

Everyone is having their babies. I’m following a bunch of pregnant girls that are due around the same time as me on Instagram – and they’ve basically all given birth. I know they say first timers are supposed to go late, but I was just expecting to go sooner, given the hospital visits and gestational diabetes. Perhaps I have it so controlled that I’ll go 41 weeks anyway. I don’t really care when he comes any more – I just want the teasing and contractions to stop. People have told me they didn’t have a single Braxton Hicks contraction before they went into labor. Either I’m super in touch with my body… or… who knows.

KJ's thanksgiving outfit. Hopefully it fits - it's a 3 mo. outfit. At least it won't be too small!

There’s really just nothing to say. There’s nothing left to do. I’ve been keeping up on the laundry and dishes, and doing a deep clean on the house once a week. I don’t know if its out of nesting or boredom. Given my body has no idea what it wants to do – I’d say we’re not going to get a “nesting” instinct right before labor, but I could be wrong.

Lots of stuff going on for work. My septic system client wants to ramp back up with their blogs (they went AWOL for a little while and I stopped invoicing them in October). Just started some work with Little Namaste Yoga Studio in Cape Coral with Facebook. Still working with my restaurant client.

The awesomest chalkboard decal EVER - $13.78 (on Groupon)

Have my first consulting conference call with Suncoast and Hubspot late this afternoon. So work is a nice distraction from my boredom. I also spoke with a web marketing company in Naples (small, she outsources most of what she does and just marks it up and manages accounts, like your typical marketing company might do). She wants to resell my “social media packages”. I don’t really like doing social media by itself because it doesn’t fall into line with inbound marketing goals (there’s not a lot of concrete measurement with it as far as new lead and customers go). But the fact of the matter is that I’m ill-equipped at the moment to take on multiple full-on inbound marketing clients and that won’t be changing for at least a year. So, I don’t mind doing a little social media management for customers that don’t require much more than an expanded reach.

We went to my sister’s election party last night. It was pretty crazy to see all of the kids running around. They all went into my sister’s room at one point to watch TV and I went in with them and laid on the bed. Morlu, Mali and and Lincoln said the funniest things to me.

Morlu: If I lift up your shirt can we see the baby?
Mali: No, silly! She has to go to the hospital and the doctors will open up her belly.
Lincoln: Jump on the baby! (attempts to get up and jump on the baby, lol)
Mali: Don’t hurt the baby!

It was really adorable/awesome. I can’t imagine what little Kyle will be like when he gets bigger – but I can’t wait for all the awesome questions and statements he makes.

Prediction update: There’s still time for Kiera to be right.

However, I’m really hoping he comes by Friday. Selfishly because I want to see Kiera and Ed and little Eddie again for an entire weekend… it’s been over a month, I’m pretty sure. Little Ed just gets bigger and cuter – he’s 5 months! AH! Where did time go??

Betsy: November 1st
Kristin B, Mandy B & Aunt Ann B: November 5th
Leah H: November 7th @ 5:47 am
Kiera W: November 7th
Brittany W: November 8th
Jennifer E: November 9th
Autumn M: November 11th (Due Date Baby?)
Staci A: November 12th
Whitney K: November 13th 
Nicole N: November 14th

Some panoramics Kyle took while we were waiting for my contractions to get worse on Monday.

38 weeks.

FAIL. BELLY SKIN ELASTICITY FAIL.

My. stomach. itches. all. the. time.

Literally – no matter how much shit on slather on it. It’s itchy. I would like to hire someone full time just to scratch and apply oil/lotion to my stomach. Good thing my oil smells AMAZING.

Sigh.

It’s really awful. The stretch marks don’t appear to be getting any worse – but this guy needs to take leave SOON. SO FREAKIN’ ITCHY.

STOP GROWING!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

38 weeks! How over it do I look in the pic, lol

Even Kyle is getting a little antsy, I think. The other night we got into bed and he goes, “Come on, mucus plug.”

TMI, I know. (For those of you that don’t understand that – there is a mucus plug that seals your cervix. One of the signs that the baby is on the way is when you start losing that.)

If you didn’t know by now: anything goes in the world of the pregnancy blogging

Do you know what I hate? Talking on the phone. I HATE it. I am SO bad at small talk now. When I was a teenager I used to spend HOURS on the phone, and now people call me and I don’t even call them back. I message them on facebook or text them. Kyle’s aunt called to see how I was doing – I didn’t call her back. I didn’t even text her. That’s only because the actual reason that she called was to see if I am close to labor and not just “see how I’m doing”…

I mean, I can’t even respond to that. Do people really want to hear how you’re doing or just hear you say, “The baby isn’t really close to coming yet. But I’ll text you when he is.”

Because here’s really how I’m doing, point by point.

• When I drop things on the floor, I have to consider two things: 1. Do I really need to pick that up? 2. Is there someone in my vicinity who may pick it up for me? (The dogs have been loving this. This has applied while I’ve been making food. Even if the dogs aren’t out of the cages. I’ll just leave it there. So sanitary and awesome. They always find it, though.)
• The itchiest belly there ever was. So itchy. Forever itchy.
• Carb cravings like you wouldn’t BELIEVE. Halloween is today and I’m strategically planning what candy we will give out and what I will hoard until the baby comes. I’m actually hoping for less trick-or-treaters. Can I be the stingy house this year? Usually we give out handfuls because we never get more than 20 or so trick or treaters.
• I wake up about 3x a night to pee now. Not awful, but the 4am is always hard to get back to sleep on.
• Rolling over in bed (you’re insane if you think I can sleep on one side, despite the decreased amount of time I actually spend sleeping) is becoming comical and involves a lot of grunting and building of velocity
• I actually weigh in my head how important it is for me go somewhere before I get dressed to leave.
• Then I weigh in my head how appropriate it would be go there in my pajamas. I change only if the scale of inappropriate (1-10) is above a 7.
• The main reason for this is that most of my maternity clothes barely fit now and I rotate the same 3 or 4 shirts every time I go out. Did I wear that last time I went? Don’t care. Did I wear that yesterday? No problem.
• I have outsourced all the errands to Kyle for the two above reasons.
• I have no shame and swear that I answered the door this morning bare-belly in a sports bra and boxers. Belly out, people. Belly alllll the f*ck out. I was hoping it was the pamphlet people, but it was the painters. Sorry, guys.
• I have an actual NEGATIVE desire to be around people. Kyle’s family invited us to his uncle’s birthday party on Saturday. I said, “Kyle. I’m not going anywhere 39 weeks pregnant or with a newborn. You’re crazy.”
• It’s possible that at one point in the last few days I have worn the same thing for 48 hours straight… and showered and put it back on for another day. The one great thing about this is the inevitable lack of laundry every week.
• I have contractions ALL the time. Literally for probably 6-8 hours a day. The other night I kid you not, I had a 5 minute long contraction. How do you even time that?

So, it’s official. We made it to Halloween. Sad because I didn’t come up with an awesome belly costume or buy an adorable Halloween onesie. Someone recommended that I paint my belly as a pumpkin… but considering I don’t go anywhere – I probably don’t want to creep the neighbor kids out. I also made it to Tuesday, which means that the $30 expedited shipping I paid for with the cord blood kit was unnecessary. Oh well. Better than not getting it in time.

I closed my new client! Suncoast ID Solutions – they print keycards, IDs, giftcards, menus. They rely on their website for 100% of their business, so he’s willing to spend some money to make sure that he’s marketing properly. They signed up for Hubspot too, which is nice, because it is hands down the best way to manage everything. I’m really excited to get started with them, and in a way I guess it’s a good thing that little Kyle isn’t here yet. Ky is taking 3 weeks to work from home – so those of you that are thinking I’m insane for taking this on, that’s how I’ll handle it. After that point I’ll be mostly off-hours and working when he gets home. Thankfully, even with the big size of this contract, it’s a maximum of 35 hours a month – which is less than 9 hours a week. At this point I still refuse to outsource content, so maybe 10 hours. I think I can manage that easily. Closing one more client of this size would be ideal, because it would basically mean the same as working a full time job at half the time commitment. I won’t push it, though.

Kyle had a phenomenal month this month, which means he’ll get a solid commission check at the end of next month – which is AWESOME because we decided to go ahead and hire the attorney to work on our principal balance on our mortgage. That combined with my quarterly Hubspot commission means that I get to pay off our last credit card, pay for the attorney AND get new flooring for the office! (And have cash for Christmas presents!)

I also picked up Jennifer’s lease for the condo – which is EXCELLENT peace of mind because it means that instead of showing it AND cleaning it up we will just have to clean and hand over the keys. Been looking for a Groupon deal for a cleaning service in Orlando – let me know if you find one.

FINALLY sucked it up and got my roots done. It’s sad – you’d think, Amber, you’ve got the darkest of dark hair – why would you need to get your roots done? So much gray hair. Literally – it’s BAD how much there is. Thanks to Yesenia, they’re all covered now. She even threw in a trim, even though I told her I didn’t want one (lack of fundage) so, of course, I had to tip her extra, lol. Funny how that works, right?

Had a dream about stillbirth yesterday night. And then, of course, he was sleeping when I woke up… and so I had this moment of panic. I went and drank some gatorade and he came around. He’s been a little less active than he normally is the past two days, but he’s definitely still moving around enough to not be worried about it. Can’t imagine there’s too much room left in there, given the way my stomach is itching as it attempts to accommodate.

I want to know how big he is. I want to know what he looks like. I want to see him in all his adorable outfits and smell his awesome baby smell.

What else? We are SO ready. SO SO ready. I definitely understand why some women give in to induction at this point. If I had a doctor touting it I would probably give in. I’m not awfully uncomfortable, though. In fact, I’d probably say I have had a SUPER easy pregnancy compared to other things I hear about high blood pressure and swelling and all the other stuff that comes in the last few weeks. Going to the chiropractor has kept my back pain fairly minimal. I’ve had a little heartburn here and there, but nothing too terrible. We’re fluctuating from 26-28 lbs weight gain (28 on the weekends, cause I’m bad, 26 on the week days because Kyle’s not here to screw it up, lol) – so I’ll probably be in that range for the rest of the time.

Here are the guesses for when I will give birth: 

Betsy: November 1st
Kristin B, Mandy B & Aunt Ann B: November 5th
Leah H: November 7th @ 5:47 am
Kiera W: November 7th
Brittany W: November 8th
Jennifer E: November 9th
Autumn M: November 11th (Due Date Baby?)
Staci A: November 12th
Whitney K: November 13th 
Nicole N: November 14th

Only KJ knows for sure.

37 weeks, 4 days

I gotta do another post. So much stuff in my head and I just have to get it out. Woke up at 10:30 am this morning (I know, I don’t know how I slept for 12 hours either) and realized that a credit card we paid off last month might still have an interest balance. It did. Plus a $15.00 late fee – plus interest on the interest and late fee. Do you see why credit cards are bad? Even when you pay them off they charge you interest for financing their interest and not paying their interest on time, even though you thought you paid the card off. We got it credited. But still.

At any rate, looking at our financial spreadsheet (yeah, you know you’re getting old and shit’s getting complicated when you have to map it all out) – I realized I have been continually forgetting to get the cord blood kit sent to us. We elected to go ahead and save little Kyle’s cord blood – because if I’m spending hundreds and hundreds of dollars on random clothes, toys and other baby awesomeness – that the peace of mind that comes with saving his cord blood/tissue may be worth shelling out the thousand+ dollars to have it saved. Soooo, I go ahead and get that taken care of. I get the overnight shipping for $30 extra, because it would be such a shame to have the baby before the kit got here on Tuesday (even though now that we’re getting it tomorrow, I’m positive that it’ll be after Tuesday when we have the baby – because that’s how the world works). There’s an additional $100/mo payment for the next 9 months. Plus the annual storage fee.

Kids really are expensive.

I still have to sort out his insurance situation. The idea of getting him a plan like ours (high deductible HSA) isn’t ideal to me. What if I do that and we have  a sickly baby? Not that we will, because both of us are the never-go-to-the-doctor type people. But you really never know.

Adorable blanket set from our neighbors Amy and John

We did the numbers on saving for college/car and figured that if we save around $400/mo that we can pretty much cover for him to go to a decent school…. only, after the “feel good” I got from the discussion I realized – oh wait, we’re multiplying this by 2 little people eventually.

All of this is a lot when you consider that we’re in the middle of a loan modification with Bank of America and I’m cutting down on the amount I’m working. Thankfully I am 90% sure that a rather large web content project is happening soon that opens the door for a potential monthly retainer on an annual contract with them. I’m REALLY hoping they go for it. It would make a lot of sense for them, since they rely almost exclusively on their website for sales leads.

I know this is way overshare – and who really shares their financial mess in their blog, but it’s really a big part of being a  parent, so to ignore the fact that I’ve stressed over this would be an inaccurate representation of the craziness that comes with having a baby – and I’m all about being 100% real on it. It’s not all cuddles and smiles and shit.

Our debt is almost gone (end of November, woo!) and I think we may actually get the opportunity to re-do the flooring in the office after we each get the commissions that we’re waiting on. It’s something that I REALLY want to do before Christmas, when his family comes.

Today I woke up with a contraction and they haven’t stopped. I haven’t been timing because I mentioned before that something else is going to happen before I go to the hospital again. I refuse to go there without knowing that we’re coming out with a baby. It would be pretty ironic if I had the baby before the cord blood kit got here despite spending the extra for overnight shipping. Also, our midwife has the flu – so he’s just gotta stay in there a few more days. Kyle is hoping that he stays in through Saturday so we can enjoy the last big Gator game of the season with our friends at the Edison. I can’t say I’d mind that, but at the rate my stomach is growing… and with weeks going by so quickly, it’s definitely happening soon.

Every little thing that happens I am convinced is a symptom of labor. There’s this funny meme on reddit that the girls from /r/BabyBumps always post -

You think it sounds ridiculous/gross before you have the kind of contractions that we’re talking about – and it’s funny, because they’re just like that. Like… period cramps mixed with diarrhea (sorry if TMI) cramps…

Your body likes to clear itself out before it pushes humans out of it, apparently. But I’ve definitely been crampy the last few days. It comes and goes. Right now it’s here. Again, I’m waiting til there’s a great indication that something real is happening before I even mention it to our midwife – or even Kyle.

This one’s short because I have to go get my nails filled, but basically there’s a lot of juggling going on trying to figure out how we’re going to afford this little guy, labor is coming – sooner than later, I’ll feel 10,000x better when Sam isn’t sick and the cord blood kit is here, and I’m not crying labor until shit gets real.

Also – I got my Kindle Paperwhite finally yesterday. Now I HAVE to finish the Vaccine Book

I just had a thought. Do you think I’m having a financial nest-fest? Maybe I despise cleaning that much that I’m actually nesting by making sure our finances are in order.

Peace of mind in one more aspect of my life before he gets here is fine with me. But I do have to remember to vacuum/dust the bedroom and wash our sheets tonight. Just incase

36 weeks, 4 days.

Sorry. I missed my last weekly update. I’m awful, I know, but hey – at least you got my childbirth post in the meantime.

Cloth Wipes Batch

Since our second hospital trip, I’ve decided that my body is just prepping more than the average person does. I’m going to have, like, the Rambo of uteruses (uterii?), apparently. I still get regular contractions, but have elected to ignore and not time them until something else accompanies them. On Wednesday night last week I had some very intense ones – only 2 or 3, though. They were strong enough to make have to concentrate on my breathing, which only happened once or twice with my BH contractions. These were accompanied with crampiness and back pain. I was pretty sure we’d meet KJ by Sunday – but after we went out to dinner Thursday night for Abe’s birthday I didn’t get any more and we actually hit 37 weeks (full term!) on Sunday.

It’s a big relief, because knowing he’s 100% if we go early at this point brings BIG peace of mind. I am still feeling the twinges now and then (mostly when I’m up and about) that tell me my cervix is changing – but sometimes I think it’s just his head pushing down. Cervical headbutts if you will.

I had my Group B Strep test last week – no results yet on it. My mom asked me after my appointment, “What’d they say?”

She was expecting me to have been checked to see if I was dialated or effaced yet. I tried to explain to her that midwives have a different mentality when it comes to that. It makes sense if you think about it. I was reading an article on cervical checks and it mentioned that women can go from 0-10 in 4 hours or stay at 4 cm for weeks at a time. According to the article, checks do nothing but offer security or insecurity for moms who then question whether their bodies are “working” properly and increase chances for interventions.

I guess it makes sense. If someone checked me last week and I was 4cm dialated and again at full term and there was no difference, I’d kinda be like, “So…what’s WRONG with me?”

I rather enjoy the lack of guessing in measuring via ultrasounds and cervical checks. In fact, the midwife doesn’t even tell me how many cm I measure when she measures my belly every week. She’ll tell me if I’m measuring big, I’m sure, but I’m excited to know that if little one wants to take his time and go 42 weeks, we won’t have intervention until then. So many factors make it hard to accurately predict, so I’m glad to not put him on a time schedule. I’d be lying though if I told you there wasn’t a little bit of concern over his size… Because I’ve been bad on the weekends, and every single thing I put in my mouth that isn’t for nutritional value, I have that subconscious thought like, “Is this going to make him huge and fat? Is his blood sugar spiking? Am I the worst mom in the world because I had a chocolate chip cookie?”

I know I’m not, but man is it getting harder. They say that you need 500 extra calories instead of 300 at the end – so I think that not eating enough could be part of the problem, but it’s hard to keep my blood sugar down and still get enough to eat.

(Just had a good solid contraction on the way to get the laundry, though.)

Nursery shelves are getting more and more awesome every day.

Operation: Do Domestic Shit seems to be coming along well. I have gotten through 3 batches of cloth wipes. 2 of those I’m now using as napkins, though. They work really well for cleaning windows, too – so I’m thinking they’ll be all-purpose. Starting another batch hopefully later this afternoon for a pregnant friend I met on instagram that’s a few days ahead of me. They’re all cut out – just need to motivate to sew them. I also bought some solution from a WAHM (work at home mom) on Facebook that put her 16 oz bottles on sale ($5 shipped, awesome!) even though I can totally make my own. Haven’t had extra $$ for the essential oil I need, though.

My mom gave me her old sewing machine and got a new one, so my next project is to make wet bags. I need to buy the fabric, though, and the waterproof fabric is a little more expensive than the flannel I have been getting.

The Gators have been playing well, which makes me even more sad that we haven’t been able to go to the games. I definitely think we would’ve had him by now if we did, though, so it’s better that we haven’t been able to make it Abe’s grandmother got me and Michelle an illustrated Gator book called “Hello, Albert!” It’s adorable, and of course, I found a little plush toy that plays a Gator cheer when you squeeze it – so I added both to the shelf above the crib, which is looking all kinds of cluttered awesome lately.

I got a package in the mail from Kelly and Erik this week full of baby gifts. She knows us so well – there were little military Carters onesies, elephant bibs and an elephant teething stuffed animal and an adorable Gator sleeper. Her card made me cry, of course.

I’ll leave you with all the pictures of the stuff that Kelly got me – because, despite not writing for 2 weeks, I don’t have much else to say. KJ will get here when he gets here. I feel great, though AMAZINGLY uncomfortable at times. Sleeping is becoming quite the challenge – I think I wake up every 2 hours now with bladder pressure from a contraction making me have to go to the bathroom. He will be here soon. End of the month? I don’t know anymore. By his due date. Probably. Late? It’s possible.

You’ll know when (or shortly after) I do, because you know my oversharing tendencies wouldn’t have it any other way.

At any rate – in light of recent conversations, I thought I might wiki an old idiom for you.

Flogging a dead horse (alternatively beating a dead horse in some parts of the Anglophone world) is an idiom that means a particular request or line of conversation is already foreclosed or otherwise resolved, and any attempt to continue it is futile; or that to continue in any endeavour (physical, mental, etc.) is a waste of time as the outcome is already decided.

The day after the debate Kyle pulled up this really funny cartoon gif of Obama and Romney in front of their respective dead horses, beating them accordingly.

You ever think about how ridiculous it is to post political stuff on Facebook? I guess as ridiculous as it would be posting things about abortion – or – more appropriately in my current situation, the drug free birth debate.

So – I want to apologize to all my Facebook friends. Because, really I should know better. Tomato, tomato (toe-mah-toe) – right? Similar to the ways in which a democrat might think that republican ideals ignore social issues – or that a republican thinks that democrats want everything for everyone for free – so goes the drug free birth debate. Preconceived notions and our own personal experiences have a big affect on advice that we give our friends, or how we joke about things.

I’m all about pleasing everyone. I think it’s the approval-seeking side of me, I didn’t get a lot of that in my childhood. I’m all about getting the approval of others, no matter how bitchy and strong-willed you may perceive me. Don’t get me wrong – when your approval comes at the expense of my beliefs or well-being – that’s where it stops. As it should. That’s when crazy Amber comes out.

So anyway – when I posted yesterday the comment my mom made (for those of you who missed it, she told me that “American women [who elect to have epidurals] are wusses [in childbirth], because you don’t know what those drugs will do to your baby”) it probably struck a chord with the pro-drug labor folks. And by all means. You’ve the right to your opinion and beliefs. We all have to rationalize our choices in our head in one way or another. Before you say that’s harsh – it’s the truth. Reconciling your choices with yourself is the only way you can tell your conscience to back off. It’s like… the self fulfilling prophesy, kinda, right? If you say it enough in your head – it’s true.

Ugh. I’m losing my point.

I know I can’t change your mind about the way you birthed. I can’t speak from experience yet, as I’ve yet to experience childbirth. But what I can say is that there are two things that are extremely powerful – and those two things are your mind and body. And to the women who chose the drug route – I don’t judge you. Because there is no better choice for you in that moment than the choice that you make. Who am I to question your “pain” threshold? Your body and mind communicated in a way that required you to medicate yourself… and that’s all well and good…

But what you can’t say is that every other woman who goes into labor will have the same experience you did. I mean, you can – literally, you can. But you can’t say for 100% certainty that what she is feeling will be exactly what you felt.

I think what some people don’t realize is how powerful the mind-body connection is. I don’t know if you read recently the charley horse story I told on here. How epic the pain was – and how I literally freaked, moved my leg in a certain way, made it worse and in that moment if you would have told me that getting an epidural was the only way to stop the epic pain that was shooting up my leg, then fuck yeah – bring that shit on. But the second time I got the charley horse, I felt it build up. I immediately got out of bed and squatted by my bedside until it subsided. There was no pain. Why? Maybe because it was a less severe blood sugar crash – but also maybe because I had previously educated myself on how to channel the build up.

The women who have told me that childbirth doesn’t hurt (and this shit’s aboutta get long, so make sure you’re ready), have described it as an intensity or channeling of energy. Hypnobirthing, water birth, relaxation techniques – as quacktastic as you may find it, have resulted in shortened, ENJOYABLE births – LIKE, NOT JUST INCREMENTALLY, BUT SIGNIFICANTLY.

So, you’re telling me that of my two choices for my birth (and yes, it’s my choice) I have:

1. Feel pain. Get an epidural. Have someone else tell me when my baby is ready to come out. Lay on a table which reduces the size of the channel my baby has to get out of my body. Risk contractions slowing – risk having to be put on pitocin to speed them back up – risk the baby’s heart rate going down – risk the  MAJOR SURGERY in a c-section that could have been avoided by a few extra hours of “pain”?  Ignore the fact that my body is telling me to move around and help the baby get into a good position. Hold my breath while someone counts down and I force my baby out of my body. Feel nothing. Tear severely. Statistically significantly decrease my odds of success with breastfeeding. Look back on it in 5-10-15-25 years and think, “Birth? Have fun with that. It’s the most heinously awful experience you’ll ever have. GET DRUGS.”

2. Learn relaxation and breathing techniques. Feel intensity, pressure, energy. MOVE AROUND during my labor. Have something to eat for the duration, knowing that I’m providing fuel for however long my body requires to labor. Have control over my mental and physical faculties. Not require a tube in my urethra. Birth squatting on a birth stool, in water (if this were an option for me), standing up… however the damn hell I want? Look back on it in 5-10-15-25 years and think, “Birth? Yeah. Rocked that shit.”

Hm.

Well.

When you put it that way.

Such a difficult decision.

I’m not saying the way you did it was wrong. I’m saying that the way you birth is a choice (unless there are complications that legitimately require c-sections) – so before you get all “post my democratic ideals on that republican’s wall” – let me roll how I wanna roll. Leave that dead horse alone. The conclusion is foregone.

“…a particular request or line of conversation is already foreclosed or otherwise resolved, and any attempt to continue it is futile; or that to continue in any endeavour (physical, mental, etc.) is a waste of time as the outcome is already decided.”

Even if it subconsciously makes you feel guilt over your choices. Even if it does nothing and you really do think she’s just some crazy ill-informed, up-for-a-rude-awakening girl.

Your birth wasn’t wrong for you. But it’s not right for me.

I’m not looking for a medal. I’m not a martyr. I’m not “trying to prove a point”. I’m just an epicly pregnant chick who wants to make the most of her life in every possible way.

With that? The (incredible) midwife from (link love!) Baby Love Birth Center that is in charge of my care is friends with me on Facebook (Yeah, are you friends with your OB on Facebook?) and asked natural birth mothers to comment on their births or provide words of encouragement. Thusly, I give you, what us “pro-natural birth” folk refer to as BIRTHING AFFIRMATIONS:

 If it is too late for the epidural, you are almost done and no reason to take the chances of a complication from it. Epidurals have their place, but with preparation, all women are capable of birthing without pain meds or epidural. Nowadays, women have a choice. They can have a pain free birth (assuming the epidural actually works and doesn’t cause other problems) or they can educate themselves and prepare for a drug free birth. Those of you who are commenting that Amber will want one have your opinion and your experience, but we do more than 100 births per year at Baby Love Birth Center and the moms who prepare themselves do great and do not wish that they had had pain meds or an epidural. It is possible.

When I gave birth to my 2 kids 28 and 20 years ago ( in germany ) nobody ever offered epidural ….just saying, all natural !

You can do it! Women have been having babies for longer than the drugs have been around and they did it. Be strong for yourself and the baby . Your midwife will be there for you and be strength for you.

I was experiencing a lot of back labor, but the tub and Sam helped me to relax and relieve the pain. I was worried I wouldn’t get through it, but Sam guided me and we did. I am so very glad that God directed me to Sam (another story) so that she could take care of my darling daughter & I at her birth!

I chose not to have an epidural after having prodromal labor which needed to be augmented with pitocin. I birthed a 9lb 3oz baby who was very active and healthy. I felt fantastic after labor, but most importantly I am so happy I did it that way. I felt very prepared from the hypnobirthing. I remember being shocked when going to see Dr George because I was so dilated already and didn’t believe it. My water broke and I convinced myself I wet the bed… (yep)… all because I was waiting for that “can’t handle it” moment…. WHICH NEVER CAME. It was the most empowering thing I ever did, and it gave me so much more confidence with motherhood. I thought, I did this- I can do anything. A wonderfully great experience.

I had my 5 babies at the Cape without ever having an epidural. I was anti-epidural from the get go because of a bad experience with a spinal tap:(. Laboring and giving birth is a mental/mind over matter job. I even gave birth sunny side up a couple of times which was NO fun.

You will do great! Not gonna lie, if it was easy everyone would do it. But afterward you will look back and think “Dang, that was an amazing experience!” Plus you are I’m great hands at BLBC!

I am a mother of 3 drug free babies who are now 15, 12 & 11. I was young and I had no complications. My last baby came down the tunnel of life unknowingly with her arm up which made it more difficult. There was a warning that this would be the last push and then there would need to be a c-section. I very carefully and sternly talked to this child and said let’s go and with one last push out she came, waving to the world. I was in control of my labor and it was awesome! 
I came to that decision after watching hours of a baby story on tlc. All of the drug induced or epi moms had such a difficult time. The natural moms went so much smoother because of the control you have and the way you work with your body.
I wish you not luck but trust in this process; trust yourself, you know your body, you know what you want. You’ll do great!

I had to go to the hospital as well and Samantha was there the entire time supporting me and even when all seemed to be not what I planned and I had to have dr George do a c/section she was there for me and the baby and had control of everything and did what she does . I could go on forever, I would never have a baby without them and trust them completely!

Best. Birth. Yet…. Even though I didn’t get to do all water or hypnobirthing, due to having to force labor “naturally”, with the help of the baby love birth center team, there will be nothing that can beat the experience of telling a BAFFLED Samantha McCormick Midwife that the baby was here. Most amazing moment ever when I held her in my arms and was home 4 hours later. I had my 2nd on 12-23, was gardening on Christmas eve, and got to spend Christmas eve and Christmas with an amazing big sister. I loved it, and if I have the chance to be a mamma again, it will be just as amazing with them.

As a CNM, I also believe epidurals are tools that when used properly can be very useful in labor. As a mother of two, who tried epidurals twice, I also know they do not work for every person, myself very much included. In both of my experiences, the placement was easy and uneventful, and done by very qualified practitioners. The first time, it lasted about two hours then wore off completely and I felt every second of the four hours of arrested labor at 9 cm despite frequent position changes all over the place. Though I only pushed for 20 min for a first baby. With my second, the epidural left a hot spot on my left lower quadrent that persisted despite additional medicine, and once again wore off and I felt everything. I tell all my clients who consider an epidural that people react differently, and you can’t assume your experience will mirror someone else’s just because you got the same medicine. I make sure they all know that epidurals don’t always work. For those that want them and/or need them, and they work, great! More power to you. Every woman should have the choice to birth the way she wants, as long as she is properly informed of all sides so she can make an informed decision. Bottom line.

I had a drug-free labor and delivery in a birthing center … Without pushing contractions. Here’s the short version. 
Sunday,, December 20th at 5am my contractions began and woke me up. Contractions were regular, but not too heavy. 
By 11am, they stopped. So I went to lunch and took a long walk. 
At sundown, they began again, so at 7pm, we headed to the birthing center (in SC) where my doula met up with me. 
I labored slow and steady all night. The contractions never got bad and stayed about 3-5 minutes apart. I even got some sleep. 
At about 10am the next morning, the contractions pretty much stopped … Again. 
I walked and squatted and sat on the toilet and showered. 
At 4pm, my midwife checked me. I was 10 cm and at some point my water had broken. My midwife said she would wait until sundown. 
At 7pm, she started having me take black and brown cohosh to help urge on contractions. Which came, but never too bad. I walked and walked and walked. I squatted and squatted and squatted. 
At 8:30pm or so, she said I was just going to have to push her out myself. So we continued the herbs and I began to push. It was hard work and she came out very slowly (it took like 6-8 rounds of pushing to get the head out … About 45 minutes or more). My midwife used olive oil for the burning and I was OK. I felt so incredibly empowered and I knew I could do it. 
And I did. 
Maxine was born at 9:41 pm on Monday, December 21st. And she was perfect. 
I had my midwife monitor Maxine’s heart between every push and at no time did her heartbeat change. She was perfectly fine the entire time I worked to push her out. 
I did not tear at all. The only thing that happened were blood shot eyes (from holding my breath when pushing … Even though I was told to breath, it was hard to push hard and breath at the same time). 
Had I gone to the hospital, I would probably have been given drugs to speed up labor and cause contractions. Which may have led to an epidural. And if I did not have my whole body available to me, un-numbed, so I could push, they would have rushed me off for a c-section. 
Women’s bodies are INCREDIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just like Bonita birthing solutions informed us in the class, don’t let the people who don’t have the same wants/views as you get to your ideas. Maybe less posting on facebook would be the best suggestion.
(LOL, duh, Amber)

I had an epidural with my first after many many hours of a painful pitocin induced (for no reason) labor. My main reason for not wanting an epidural was so I could move well being induced that didn’t happen. They had me hooked up and in bed. I stuck it out through 15 hours and finally caved when I felt pressured to get an epi. I had her 6 hours later after the epi ran out so i did feel to push. My daughter was very hard to wake to breastfeed and we had a really bad start in our nursing relationship which I believe was due to the epi. 
Then I moved to Cape Coral and found baby love birth center and before I was ever pregnant again I knew I would birth there next time. And I did. I had a very short 4-5 hour labor. That was not entirely pain free but relaxed, calm and wonderful. My pain was very easily managed by moving around and getting into the water. My son latched right on immediately after birth and had absolutely no issues with breastfeeding. I absolutely loved my med free birth and would never do it any other way.

Of course I haven’t assisted in nearly as many births as you have, Samantha. But what I’ve seen work best in childbirth is relaxation, no expectations, gravity, hypnosis assistance, water tubs, as few interventions as poss.

The main reason I had an epidural with my first (hospital) birth was because all the negative feedback, and the nurses saying that token phrase “aww, that’s so cute. let us know when you’re ready.” I too, was induced. They leave you little room to move around, and barely any freedom to even make your own decisions…its nearly inevitable that the epidural will be given…..with my second, I came to Samantha McCormick Midwife for the natural experience I desired. I did NOT take the hypnobirthing, (which would have been awesome) but did fantastic with the info and classes taken at the birth center years ago on Metro. If you believe it, you can achieve it. In the majority of cases I believe, it’s all in the mind. It was a fantastic experience that I will never forget, and I’m glad my daughter’s birth wasn’t muddled by interventions…it truly was all I hoped for and more.

 I had a hospital birth (induced 10 days early due to PIH) 3 years ago. I was on pitocin all day & no contractions, so the dr broke my water. The contractions came HARD & fast so I got scared & got the epidural. It worked great until I was almost ready to push. Once I started pushing I thought I was going to die I was in so much pain. I ended up pushing for about 2 hours. I gave birth to a beautiful 7 lb 7 oz boy although I was in so much pain I don’t really remember much of it. I was in a lot of pain for about 2-3 weeks (I believe from pushing for so long when I wasn’t actually ready & from the episiotomy that I had no clue I was given until the dr was stitching me up). Horrible experience!!! I decided to have my 2nd at Baby Love Birth Center, born June 2011. I was a little nervous because I remembered the pain & agony of the first, but my mom had 9 pain medicine free (some with pitocin) births in the hospital so I knew I could do it. I started having contractions 1 day after my due date, they were never regular for as long as they were supposed to be…2 min apart for an hour & then 8 min apart the next hour, etc. My water broke in the late afternoon & he was born on the way to the birth center, in the back seat of my Nissan Altima. Handsome 8 lb 13 oz boy caught by daddy. Never once was I in “pain”. I was uncomfortable, but who wouldn’t be uncomfortable birthing in the backseat of a car. I felt so great. I had no trouble sitting, even right after he was born. I did tear a little (I think because he came so fast) but it healed so quickly. The natural birth was a complete 180 from the hospital birth. I will never go back to a hospital to give birth unless I have a complication. I have lots of friends who gave birth in the hospital with an epidural & had a perfectly wonderful experience & that’s fine for them, it’s just not for me. Have faith in your body, it knows what it’s doing (I never tried to push #2 out, my body pushed on its own). If you want a natural birth, don’t listen to all the people trying to put negative thoughts in your head. If something happens & you end up getting one, that’s great too.

Ugh. Yes very scary complication with my first labor and epidural. I don’t think Sam or I will ever forget. For my second labor I did all natural water birth and my son was 9.1lbs. The contractions were completely manageable and I loved being able to freely move into different birthing positions rather than being strapped down to the bed.Having both a hospital, epidural birth and a natural water birth, I highly recommend all natural! Epidurals serve their purpose (my cervix was terribly swollen from induction and epidural allowed my body to rest so I could avoid csection) but never without risks.

5 babies had no epidurals, had nubaine w the 1st one .. that was horrible i was so loopy i could not even feed baby. I was very alert and able to feed the other 4

2 babies = 1st baby had epidural (but did nothing but numb one leg below the knee ) 9lbs. 13 oz. , 2nd baby no epidural (considering 1st did me no good and i did just fine with him being almost 10lbs ) and she was 8lbs. 4oz. – mind over matter

Three unmedicated births. I got many of the condescending comments from other women when I was asked about my birth plans and replied that I would forego pain management. I succeeded. I educated and prepared myself (as much as one can) and I succeeded.

A natural birth story from this woman’s blog: http://duffyfamily.wordpress.com/

3 babies and no epidural. During my first birth I knew that I wanted a natural birth. Even The nurse was insisting that I couldn’t manage with out an epidural and had the anesthesiologist consult with me without asking. He said the nurse told him I wanted one. Good thing I had hubby to speak up and support me through an unmediated birth. You can do it!!! Support, education, and relaxation is key.

I always hear “You don’t get a gold medal for giving birth without an epidural.” I was never under that false impression…

Hero? That’s not what it’s about! It’s about the health and safety of mom and baby. Not to mention you can actually do pain free naturally with hypnobirthing.

One from the archives of the “Birth Without Fear” Blog: http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/10/11/not-just-another-typical-teen-pregnancy-and-birth/

I got Nubain that did nothing and then an epidural that didn’t work properly and ended up with a natural birth after home birth transfer anyway. The needle hurt almost as much as labor. Would not do it again, especially given the possible risks and knowing that a small portion of women don’t get the pain relief they wanted. To be honest, after four days of pushing (didn’t know it at the time, just thought I really had to crap) and trying everything but the labor tub (which wasn’t filling fast enough) and having Nubain not even do anything at all, NOT getting the relief I anticipated from choosing an epidural was much more traumatic than any part of my labor or birth thereafter. Birth doesn’t always go as planned, but the women who think it’s funny that you want to have a natural birth are often only doing that to perpetuate the myth that childbirth is always horrific. They don’t want to be forced to possibly feel guilt over the choices they made so they bring everyone else onto the same boat. Actually, even transition contraction wise was tolerable and stepping on legos hurt much worse, for me it was the urge to push that wouldn’t go away. But I also had a bunch of possible contributing factors that most moms don’t AND I still did it and got a VBAC and an exclusively breastfed baby out of it.

 I believe that most people end up getting pain relief because they expect the pain. Which makes their bodies tense and pain even worse. They continually hear the horror stories and that’s all they know. If you turn that around and read/hear POSITIVE natural birth stories and keep positive you will have a better outcome. I truly believe that my natural birth turned out so great because I was prepared with the knowledge and positivity needed. Reading Ina May Gaskins book “Guide to Childbirth” helped me learn what our bodies are meant to do. I followed many blogs with positive birth stories (birth without fear). Read positive books like “Mind Over Labor” and “Meditations and Positive thoughts for pregnancy and birth”. I also took the hypnobirthing class which educated me even more on how our bodies birth a baby. Along with giving me some great tools to use during labor that relaxed me and helped me progress. I also believe my natural childbirth helped with me successfully breastfeeding.

I was honored to have a water birth with the darling Samantha McCormick Midwife at Cape Hospital, no meds for me or baby, labored at home as long as possible and arrived 9cm dilated. Got to kiss my little peanut within 3 hours! This is your story that you were made for Amber Cebull, no matter how it turns out, you should wear it with pride

Yes! A lot of labor can be completely emotionally driven. I knew I ended up feeling like I was in more pain than before as soon as I was told anything that suggested I was about to have a baby, like being told I was 7cm or even once I was pushing, hearing my midwives ask “should we put gloves on now?” freaked me out. I’m not really a big commitment person, lol. However, once I got past the freakouts and got control of my feelings again, I realized I was doing this on my own and discovered that swearing provided the best relief ever.

A link on epidurals and breastfeeding: http://www.scienceandsensibility.org/?tag=epidurals-effect-on-breastfeeding

I am really thankful that it didn’t have an effect on breastfeeding, whether it’s because the meds were already processed and out of the baby by the time I gave birth or because the dose was too low, I don’t know. But I knew going into it that there was a risk of baby not latching and thanks to my support system and previous knowledge, I knew to get her skin to skin immediately and checked her for lip tie. Most moms don’t have that type of stuff in place or know enough about any form of medical pain relief and end up struggling to nurse. The IV fluids are also an issue since it makes it look like the baby is losing a whole bunch of weight when they’re just peeing out all mom’s extra fluids

I will never understand this perspective of tearing each other down. When a friend of mine says to me that she wants to run a marathon, do I belittle her goal because I haven’t (or couldn’t) run a marathon? No, I support her goal, respect her accomplishment, and raise her up when she crosses the finish line! Pain pains are not the devil, but there are risks that come with them. One of the many reasons why I’m glad I was unmedicated is that I was able to sit and push on a birth stool. Turns out my little man was 9lbs, 10oz. I couldn’t even push my placenta out lying in bed. I have no idea how women push babies out when they are in that “standard birthing position.” And then add the diminished sensation that comes with an epidural? How do you effectively push? Or the mental fogginess that comes with narcotics? I was already emotionally unavailable during my CS due to the drugs. I didn’t want to feel like that again. Going unmedicated was amazing. I could walk, eat, go to the bathroom, and shower within an hour of delivery. And I was mentally clear. (!!!) There is absolutely no comparison. Going unmedicated gives you more options. I’m all for that. And I don’t need a medal. Being fully present physically and emotionally was more than enough reward. To imply that I made the decision to have an unmedicated birth because I wanted kudos from other women is juvenile. All that said, there are times when epidurals are absolutely indicated – maternal exhaustion being one good reason. If a woman wants an epidural or to have an unmedicated birth, that is her decision to make with her body. I’m glad I ignored the naysayers. FWIW, that was my first vaginal birth.

Pushing on your back HURTS. I pushed in a few different ones, squatting, lying over the back of the hospital bed smashing my belly into the mattress, side lying, legs over squat bar, all sorts of hospital bed abuse. In the end, that final bit of getting her under the pelvic bone actually required modified back pushing and OMG. I have no idea how laboring and pushing like that the whole time would even work.

I needed a c-section so Dr. George could save one of my twins. I will never forget my emotions that day. Thankfully Sam held me for my spinal that I was terrified to get. I swear I felt that needle rubbing on my bone as they had to try a few times to get it in. I felt pain shoot down my legs. To this day I have a sensitive spot on my spine that gives me a sharp pain if it’s touched. I would have pushed two babies out naturally if it were up to me.

I had 2 natural no meds births….first one honestly just because I despise needles. Last time because I wanted a similar experience with alert baby and me able to move about and recover quicker. I will say though that people’s comments didn’t bug me much. Some couldnt imagine doing it without meds so they think they are helping ans others think you are trying to make them feel bad or weak for having meds so they lash out. The comment about marathons above made me lol because I tell my friends who run that they are crazy all the time because I hate to run…to each their own.

(epidural complication) I was about ten days past edd and had scar tissue on my cervix causing a bit of trouble..i made the choice for induction at that point. Cervadil with breast pumping and tried all things before pitocin. Well none of it worked and two rounds of pitocin and I was finally in labor. The contractions rolling into one another with no breaks and extremely unmanageable. My cervix starting swelling and we made the choice for epidural just to rest and dilate. I was exhausted at this point also. Epidural was placed and dripped into my vein. Immediately my ears began to ring, feet tingling and my heart rate steadily increased all the way to 190. I sat there holding my husband thinking I was going to die and began panicking. Thank God it was the test dose and it began to wear off and hr came back down after what felt like an eternity. I had to have it placed again (it was this or csection which i was trying my hardest to avoid) I was finally able to rest for about 30 mins. My MIL and I sat there and prayed as everyone took a break. Dr. G came in said I was fully dilated, swelling gone, Sam shut the epidural off and I birthed my perfect baby girl. Needless to say second time around, hospital and drug free, completely manageable contractions, seemed like a dream compared to that first experience!

Surround yourself with positive women who support your decision, even if it’s a bunch of women you don’t know on a Facebook page. It seems as though we are your ultimate cheerleaders for your journey ahead when compared to reading the comments of your friends.

my best birth~easiest labor, easiest birth itself & by far the easiest recovery was my freebirth~no iv, no meds, no monitor, my 10lb 10month leilani (heavenflower) yes, i had her in hospital (in a birthing chair in the OR with just her father, myself, a good silver haired ob & 1 l&d nurse with a handheld doppler) all whispers & smiles and i was treated with respect & reverence~and so was she~she came out happy and calm and breastfed immediately and her father and i were holding her and speaking to her gently from her first seconds of life, she was with me the whole 24hrs i was in hospital and the staff couldn’t have been kinder about all the grandparents coming in and bringing me well water (they don’t trust water that comes from pipes) and fresh organic fruit & veg from our home orchard/garden/berry patch/concord grape arbor and it was a lovely experience~i often think if every woman could have such a happy, healing freebirth in hospital, there would be alot more happy, calm breastfed babes and alot fewer mothers with PTSD~my next birth was a general anesthesia c/s for brow presentation, i stayed home for 24hrs, did every trick in Ina May’s 1977 spiritual midwifery to turn him, no luck, and i went to the same hospital and despite my water being broken for 24 hours, fever, heavy meconium the staff were so kind and gave me every respect & courtesy, my sweet babe stayed with me the whole 6 days and i breastfed around the clock according to our schedule and fresh made orange juice and carrot juice, fruit, nuts, berries & honey brought by my father in law and grandmother & parents helped me recover from surgery, far longer recovery and much more painful, even with truly helpful family & friends who let me sit in a warm comfry bed with babe while they did everything for my preschool girls & our fuzzy black & silver chew toy (baby german shepard) a gift from a friend~he grew into a 110lb gorgeous creature, but was ‘buddhist” kind and gentle with kids and kittens & bunny rabits~he never hurt a living thing~just goes to show what gentle parenting will do~hope this helps!:)

After my birth experience, I realized I would have been devastated if I had done anything to interfere with the natural process. Words can’t express how grateful I am for my natural birth

I had an epidural for my first birth. I thought I wanted one for my second birth, but they couldn’t make it in time. Best thing ever – I got to actually feel the birth of my son. Pain, yes; unmanageable, no. It felt so natural to push my son out.

I’ve had three all natural births, one for a ten pounder where my cervix never fully dilated so my midwife had her hand inside me pushing my cervix over his head while I pushed. Labor is hard enough work without adding offense lol…but we did it. Four hours later, we left the birthing center, and we babymooned at home.

My fourth child was a high risk pregnancy, I went into early labor, we monitored her and myself for the six Weeks I was in labor, and the day before her edd, we added pitocin to help me along. I took an epidural after six Weeks of non progressive labor, and I’m okay with that decision. 
The bottom line is your birth experience, your pain management, your baby, your choice in how you want it to go…mostly. Your friends might not seem the most supportive, but I think they’re basing it on their own experiences and letting you know that if you change your mind mid birth, they still support you. That’s how I would take it.

My hardest birth was the one that I went into saying that I was going to get an epidural.(fourth baby) My midwife wouldn’t let me, so since I hadn’t prepared myself for what I was going to be doing my mind was all over the place and not in the zone. I never made that mistake again and my last 2 births were so amazing after that. I was 19 years old when I had my first with no epidural or IV drugs. I had the support of my family and husband and my midwife. It was a wonderful experience even though I was a first time Mom. He was 8 pounds, 3 ounces and since I had all my wits about me I only pushed 40 minutes. A girl I know just pushed for 3 hours for a 7lb baby. I’m doubting having an epidural helped with all that work.

 You got this. Heed not to the advice of others and follow your heart!!

I have a serious problem. The “shopping issue” that I brought up last week? It took me over full force after I wrote that blog. I bought 10,000 more things since then. All of it.

I think that the lack of work things to do made me concentrate my efforts on more preparation, but all the fun stuff is gone – so baby clothes shopping is really all there is left. I’m all about being prepared, but maybe I should’ve pushed SOME stuff back. I think I have this epic phobia of not having something and not having the money to buy it, so I’m just buying EVERYTHING that I see a good deal on in an effort to make sure we have it all now while we aren’t seriously broke. I think this is how hoarding starts. His closet looks like a store. There’s that many clothes. The entire bar (I want to say it’s an 8′ long closet) is full of hanging clothes. It’s a little sick. Craigslist took me by storm and I bought a massive lot of clothes from a woman on there. ::ashamed face:: AND I found this children’s clothing and maternity swap group on Facebook… SUCH good deals. You think you got a good deal at the consignment store for $4.50 for that one outfit? Psh. How about TWO adorable outfits for $3.00 shipped to your MAILBOX, baby. Yeah. You’d be addicted too.

I’m still waiting on a few outfits, a diaper bag for Kyle, and a maternity dress for a wedding this weekend ($10, yeah, awesome deal – hopefully it gets here in time). The great thing is that all of the clothes I got secondhand are in AWESOME condition – and so after he grows out of them we will keep some clothes and sell the rest on there, so I will make my money back and then some.

This month is National Babywearing Month. Babywearing goes with the Attachment Parenting concept. I don’t know that I’m 100% on board with Attachment Parenting (some things make a lot more sense to me now that I’ve read up on it and didn’t just think it was about spoiled 4 year old kids who still breastfeed – do you remember when I made that comment about how bratty that kid was on the Today show when they interviewed the mom that was on the cover of Time Magazine? I still think he was bratty, but I understand what attachment parenting is more now). Some of it makes a lot of sense, though. I don’t think people realize until they get into the research and are about to have a kid what their parenting style will be like. Anyway, tangent, in honor of National Babywearing Month and my shopping addiction, I purchased the Boba Carrier I’d been looking at. Initially we were gonna do Ergo, but after extensive research – the Boba seems to be the best option for us. It’s chiro-approved too, since it doesn’t cause back or hip strain on the little one. I wanted the Kangaroo one, it has this adorable Kangaroo on the outside… but Kyle saw a camo one that he just had to have – and honestly he’ll probably wear him when we’re out together, so I let him pick that one. It got here yesterday and I love it. I don’t have a baby to put in it yet, but it’s still awesome.

In other news – I’m understanding more and more why our hypnobirthing instructor told us not to listen to people’s birth stories and preconceived notions on childbirth. It doesn’t really affect me because I feel so strongly in one direction – but Kyle came home from work on Tuesday night and apparently one of his coworkers had said something about her birth experience relating to my midwife, but didn’t give him the whole story. He somehow got it in his head that our midwife may or may not attend the birth. I had been having contractions all day long (they were 10 minutes apart at this point) and we got into a HUGE fight. Because who says that, you know? We were supposed to meet someone for dinner 15 minutes later and I’m bawling and yelling at him. I’ve been in such amazing communication with the midwife we chose since I switched doctors, that I just couldn’t believe he would ever think that she wouldn’t come. Like – what does that even mean, anyway? Who ELSE would be there? And then after that he tells a story about how his coworker almost died… and I flipped out even more because why in the hell would you say that? He tried to insist that the two stories were completely unrelated and he wasn’t basically saying that “Well our midwife may or may not show up, so hopefully you don’t almost die like my coworker did.” OMG, I can’t even tell you how angry I was. He’s all, “Well, do you even know how it’s going to go the day of?”

Bottom: contraction monitor (the big bump is the contraction) Top: Baby heart monitor

I wanted to punch him in the face. Obviously if you know Kyle you know that this is my perspective on his story, and his side obviously doesn’t have the hormones, contractions and subconscious lingering doubts. Not that I doubt myself or my midwife in any way – but with all this Bradley/Hypnobirthing stuff, your partner is supposed to be the confident one. They’re supposed to reassure you and take control – and all I could think was, he hasn’t read anything I’ve asked him to. He’s not on board with our midwife. He’s questioning whether or not we can do this.

Obviously not entirely true. We obviously missed dinner that night. I told him to leave me the hell alone and then proceeded to message Sam on Facebook and “make sure she was coming to our labor because ‘some she-said-she-said random story that I didn’t even hear firsthand’.” How stupid must I have sounded. Come to find out that his coworker wasn’t even in her care.

Then my contractions kept getting closer and closer together. In hindsight I think that eating dinner would’ve probably been a good idea. But by 8:30pm I wasn’t even hungry – even though I eat strictly every 2 hours. They got consistently between 5 and 8 minutes apart. I mentioned it to Sam in our Facebook message and she sent us back to the hospital. Maybe a UTI? We weren’t sure. So – go in, they test my urine. I’ve got trace protein in there, they say (I’ve always got trace protein in there, we test my urine every 2 weeks), glucose (gestational diabetes, hello), and ketones in my pee. They thought the ketones were a result of me not being properly hydrated, but I saw my pee and I know what pee looks like when you’re not hydrated, so I don’t know that that was it. I’m guessing more because I didn’t eat for 6 hours.

At any rate – Sam wanted them to hydrate me, and why not – you can’t ever be overhydrated, I don’t think. Yay IV time. Got an IV on the 2nd try. The first one blew my vein and she tried pumping fluid into my anyway – I have a pretty awesome looking bruise from it. I don’t mind when people have to try multiple times because it happens to me all the time – but man-oh-man why you gotta pump my arm full of solution and THEN realize you blew the vein. I’ll shut up about that now, lol.

The contractions never stopped – in fact, I had an epic one on a full bladder right before I went home, but I made a convincing argument. Basically I said to the nurse, “Well, we can do another bag of fluid… But I’m plenty hydrated at this point, and honestly – it’s not like you’re going to stop labor if that happens, but I’m not going to be admitted… So – what do we do?” She came back a little while later with the discharge paperwork.

ANYWAY – Kyle was terrified, because obviously me screaming at him, “YOU DIDN’T READ ANYTHING AND  YOU’RE NOT READY FOR THIS BIRTH” immediately followed by a trip to the hospital wasn’t something he was expecting. While we were standing at the counter he was looking 15 shades of melancholy. I asked him what was wrong, he said, “We don’t have anything. We’re not ready.” I said, “What do we need?” Living 10 minutes away from the hospital – you really don’t NEED anything when you go in. You and the baby – that’s about it.

At any rate, I think he got the picture as to why I was so upset. Obviously we made up. He helped me nest the next night, cleaned the bathrooms, mowed the lawn, vacuumed the bedroom. It’s nice that the house is clean. It’ll last for a week. (Sometimes I really hate having 3 dogs.) Baby’s still in there for now. We’re 36 weeks in two days, and so I’m just really hoping he sticks it out for one more week. I stopped paying attention to my contractions – I know my body will give me some other sign before the baby comes out – so I’m just gonna trust and wait on that sign. The contractions are definitely much stronger than they have been previously – and I discovered at my 35 week appointment this week that the “twinges” I’m feeling down there (sometimes accompanying a contraction, other times not, Sam described it best, “Like someone’s poking you with a needle?”) are my cervix changing.

I’d like him to stay past Halloween, but just have a feeling he’ll be here before then.

Oh yeah, also – we went to the grand opening event of the Eco Baby and Home store in Naples last weekend. It’s a tiny little eco-friendly Mama & Baby stuff shop in the Vanderbilt Shoppes. I bought a yellow Gdiaper for 30% off (I have to have ONE new diaper) and a FuzziBunz wetbag. (Wet bags are used for the cloth liners). They have a ton of amazing stuff… Being there combined with all the research I’ve been doing on being “greener” is making me change a few more things. You’ve already heard about the cloth diapers and wipes, making my own wipes solution, the biodegradable liners for my diaper pail (for the biodgradable inserts we’re using in the gdiapers) – I want to extend it. My next thing is to get something called “unpaper towels” – Basically using towels instead of paper towels, but they have some in a shop on Etsy that snap together like a paper towel roll. They’re insanely expensive, but it would be nice to not use paper towels anymore. We use them minimally as it is since we switched to an under-the-sink dispenser, but one more step won’t hurt. Here’s a link to the listing.  Also considering switching out ziplock bags with reusable bags that you wash – but they’re also expensive, so it’s a process. I’ll keep you posted as I take more steps into reducing our waste and chemical use in the house Funny how you start to look at things differently as you go, isn’t it?

Not much else to report. Got a package in the mail from Amanda with an AMAZING handmade crochet blanket and outfit for little Kyle. I didn’t mention this to her (she’ll know now, though lol) but that outfit is my favorite one that we have. She gave me a 3 month version of it, and my brother in law’s sister – sister in law?, Sarah had already gotten us a newborn version. I didn’t even think twice about keeping it – it literally is the most adorable outfit EVER and I was so sad to think that he’d only be in the newborn one for a week or two – so having two makes me so stoked. The onesie says “Roar” and is beige and white striped, comes matching brown hoodie and pants, but the hoodie has dinosaur spikes on it! AHH. Love. Depending on what the weather is like when we go into labor, it’s definitely his wear-home outfit. Also – it’s not to say that this kid doesn’t have an INSANE collection of the most adorable outfits there ever were, but you know there’s always one that you love the most. Well, i’m assuming.

The only other thing there is to tell you is that I’ve been stalking a live cam of a giraffe in Greenville, SC that is pregnant/in labor. Found the link on a Facebook Group that I belong to and have had her on the right monitor for the past 3 days. I imagine my obsession comes from knowing how she feels. She just walks around in circles and eats. That’s pretty much all I do, too. Maybe I should send her a link to the Baby Clothes Swap group

http://www.earthcam.com/usa/southcarolina/greenville/

That’s it for now. Sorry it’s long, but they’re always long, so this is normal. Until next time

Adapter for car seat is here!

I’m trying to keep my bratty complaining posts to a minimum. I have had zero patience this week with everyone in our house, including our poor dogs. Kimber has been hopping around on 3 legs for most of the week, though progressively getting better. We didn’t take her to the vet, because she’s in such good spirits and it seems like every time we take them it’s always, “Well, here’s some anti-inflammatory. But an Xray will be $500+ so…we should probably wait it out.” — another $250 bill to tell me something I’ve learned over the last lifetime of being a dog owner – oh, and you should really get those vaccines updated. Why can kids be selectively vaccinated but dogs can’t? Initially I was secretly happy that she was a little less mobile. She’s pretty much the most annoying dog on earth. That’s awful, but it’s true. She is so happy all the time and gets in this insane velocity wiggle mode that somehow turns her tail into a whip and bruises your thighs… and then her irritating mouth breathing, to the point where she’s almost snorting… Ugh. It’s just really awful. It’s always when Kyle gets home from work, because she knows that’s when she eats. You would think this dog is seriously starved the way she anticipates meals. I have to scream at her to “Sit the *expletive* down. NO! WAIT! STAY!” while I fill the other bowls. For such a well behaved little pack, her mealtime excitement is just too much. At any rate, Kyle has been wide eyed at my lack of patience for her this week. The other two have been angels. We have mastered a routine with them. They stay in their cages during the day, come out for an hour during lunch when Kyle gets home… he’ll let them play outside and then hang out with us inside while we eat. The second Kyle gets up and puts his plate in the sink Miso and Eko are gone. When Kyle and Kimber make it into the bedroom they’re already patiently in their cages waiting for him to leave for work again. It’s really amazing how well trained they are. We’re pretty lucky, but I like to think we have something to do with it.

Tight fit and a little awkward to get out - but I'll get used to it

I’m hoping that a routine with a baby will work in a similar way to minimize fussiness, but obviously (before you get the “Hahaha, babies rule your life” scoffing in – because nothing is more irritating then telling me about how little I know about parenting or how awful your experiences are) it’s a little different.

You know – while I’m in ranting tirade mode, I’ll call people out on that. What is up with that? Legit. Sorry that parenting sucked so badly for you – but I’m pretty sure it’s going to be awesome for me. Comments I officially hate:

“Oh, well get all the sleep you can now!”
“You won’t be able to do that once there’s a baby around!”
“Call me when you need some relief.”

Bitch. Shut up. You people are worse than the people telling me I’m insane for natural birth and the people that come up to you randomly and ask you a sequence of three questions, “Oh! You’re so cute. Is this your first? When are you due? Are you excited?”

I think I’m going to print up a T-shirt that I wear every time I’m out:

Gee, thanks! Feeling pretty huge! Yes, this is my first baby. Mid November. Of course, dumbass.

I don’t even mind people touching my belly. I never really minded that.

Had so many surges at dinner the other night I timed them. Luckily they stopped when I got home.

ANYWAY – off the ranting and back to the weekly progress report. I’m huge. No… like, massive. I can’t imagine there’s much room left in there for him, because his legs are always up under my ribs now. Sorry that Mommy has back-fail scoliosis and you get exponentially less room to kick around. His kicks are getting very strong. So are my surges. Every time I get one now I can definitely feel it “down there”. Going out is when they come particularly frequently.

I know that my body will be well prepped for labor in that regard, and I still really believe that he’ll be here around the end of October. I don’ t really know why.

I’ve been EPIC tired lately. I can’t concentrate on anything. NOTHING. Today I decided that I’m done working after this week with the exception of one restaurant client. There’s just no sense in it when my heart isn’t in it and I have to chase after them for blog topics – because from the get go I communicate to all my clients that their involvement is 100% the most important thing. As a third party, you can’t accurately write about topics within a business or industry without input from that business owner or someone within the business. Literally the only thing I can concentrate on is researching and buying things for the baby. That’s it. And eating. OMG eating.

I feel like I felt in the beginning of changing my diet around 27 weeks. Like what I’m eating can’t possibly be enough – and specifically my willpower to eat a regulated amount of carbs is GONE. I regulate them properly during meals, but my snacks just go on and on. I’ll eat a reasonable snack, say, a greek yogurt or some wheat thins and cheese… and then I’ll find myself back in the fridge… a few grapes.. some raspberries… string cheese… need more food. No more than that. EVEN MORE FOOD.

Cloth wipes arrived from Etsy

I even ate blueberry muffins this week. They were only 30 carbs each, but still. They were full of refined sugar that I shouldn’t be having.

I am hoping that my increased appetite just means that he’s growing and needs it and not just terrible will power at a restricted diet.

My weights up to 157, which is good (omg, if I weren’t pregnant I would be devastated at that weight. I’m glad I finally came to accept it). We’re at 22 lbs total weight gain, and I feel good with that. Sometimes I go back down to 156. I’m healthy, though, and so it baby – so that’s good.

CUTEST FREAKIN' HAT EVER, RIGHT??

I have a serious shopping issue lately. Not to the point where anything is on credit cards, but to the point where every spare dollar is going to an extra gdiaper here and there – or like this adorable football beanie that I want to use for his newborn shoot. My friend Kelly got me a gator newborn shirt that you write all the stats into – weight, length, day, time – all that stuff from the birth. It’s blue… I’m thinking if we put him in that, an orange G diaper and this little football beanie it’ll pretty much make the cutest birth announcement photo ever in the world. We will see, though, because there are some other things being knitted by Molly’s mom that we are gonna do.

Found an insane deal on more small gdiapers. I probably have too many now. Oh well. Resale value is awesome on these guys.

I don’t think there was ever a more well-prepared pregnancy… I think that a planetwise wet/dry hanging bag and my ergobaby carrier (also debating the boba carrier) are really the only things I still need. The breastfeeding book is done and I’m onto the Vaccine Book, which, by the way, is the most boring read there ever was. Informative, but I’m chugging slow on this one. Thankfully we still have a few weeks to months to decide which vaccines we want for him. I may start a parenting book simultaneously with this one.

There’s a huge list of honey-do stuff. And the closer we get the more I’m coming to terms with the fact that the faded black trim on the front of the house won’t get painted… and the driveway will stay partially pressure washed (the pressure washer broke in the middle of him doing this 2 weeks ago)… and I may never touch up the baseboard paint in the office… or get my new dishwasher.

Just a few more days til we hit 35 weeks. Oh, and here’s a bare belly pic – because Collins was giving me shit that I didn’t do them anymore. I kinda figured that people wouldn’t really want to see that, and despite my formerly belligerant “I’ll post whatever I want” rant when someone calls you out and says it’s “gross” – you kinda start thinking, “Well, maybe they’re right.” But this is my blog – and I’ll post what I want on it, if not on Facebook. It’s not in my underwear, but it’s still just as creepy that my stomach is that big.

Til next week, my friends.

Scrubberific at 33+ weeks

Yes, you read it right. I finally gave up on trying to “finalize” the nursery – so I stuck a few photos of the dogs and one of us in the shelves and called it a day. I am debating on whether or not to put a chalk board or a big newborn photo on the last blank wall by the closet. Problem is – there’s a pocket door there, so… yeah, nails? I don’t know. You have to give me your honest opinion – because I’m thinking its getting too cluttered looking.

So, nursery reveal will be last, but I won’t disown you as a friend if you skip right to that, because the rest of this stuff isn’t as fun. Took my 33 week photo, finally. It’s  a little rough, so try not to judge. I realized we’re almost into week 34, so I had to get something in and I’ve been so busy this week going to appointments and catching up client blogs that I really just want a day to be gross in my PJs.

ALMOST TO WEEK 34. What the truck. How did we get here?

Anyway – here we are. Last night we had our last hypnobirthing class. I’ve been practicing the relaxation techniques once a day – so I’m getting better at it. She’s been having us hold an ice cube in each hand and let them melt while we practice at home getting into a relaxed state. I had only practiced once before the class before this one, where I mentioned that I managed to do it, but I still felt uncomfortable and had to remind myself that eventually they would melt. I’ve done much better since then – but when we got to the class this week, we’re all kinda sitting there… and I’m all, “So… How do you know that you’re in a relaxed state and your hands just haven’t gotten numb?” Everyone laughed, but I felt like it was a pretty legit question. She told me I needed to trust myself more. I think that’s why I have such a problem with the visualizations – because it’s hard enough for me to get out of my own mind and concentrate on belly breathing, let alone visualize things. She did mention that she’s just offering us a “bag of tools” and to use what works best for us – so I think that mastering the relaxation and breathing with be enough. I don’t know that I need an imaginary switch to push endorphins into my body – but hey, you never know.

Swaddle Blankets

The last video that we watched before we left class was a little more hippie spiritual than the rest of the class was. We spent most of the time discussing what to expect and then this video… you know, let me qualify. Because I don’t think of myself as an overly immature person. I minimally grimaced at the live births we watched (which was a feat, because outside of waterbirth – it’s not quite as pretty, let me tell you)… but this video had me and Kyle looking at each other and it was literally all I could do not to burst out laughing. At one point if you would’ve walked into the room you would have literally thought we were watching porn. Another woman had orgasms during birth… It was a little, “Uhhh,” during it – but after the class we were in the car going home and I was like, “I mean. I’ll take orgasms over pain any day.” And the one really awesome thing about it was the girl who had the orgasms during birth described the way she was feeling and how effectively she managed the energy in her body in a 100% reasonable way. It was similar to if I sat down in front of you and took you through a really intense workout or something. It was so matter-of-fact.

I don’t know really what the point was of me telling you that – maybe just that hypnobirthing has been really eye opening. I’m really glad we took to the class because I feel so much more well prepared. Instead of being like, “I’m positive that my body was built for this.” I’m more like, “I know exactly how to handle every situation that comes about – because I’ve educated myself enough on what exactly is happening, and not only do I feel confident that my body can handle it, but that emotionally and mentally I will not block myself from accomplishing it.” I think Kyle feels more comfortable now that we’ve completed the class, too.

With the end of my hypnobirthing class came the beginning of chiropractic care. I’ve been meaning to start, but had to find the money someplace (in between every-two-day Amazon.com and Babies R Us purchases, lol). The way Mama’s Chiropractic does it is a little different, he charges you a one time consult, a monthly fee for three months, and a “maintenance” fee after that. It includes unlimited visits. So, I’ve gone 3x this week, which at any other practice would have cost me $90 or more – but it was only $125 for this month. REALLY awesome. Let me take you through a little of what he’s discussed with me… Basically they have this concept called subluxation (sp?) – and it’s when your shit gets out of alignment (that’s obviously a lamens term to describe it, lol). Your spine and bones are your foundation and specifically your spine communicates with your nervous system and muscles and lets them know how to react – and this all factors into your well being as a whole. So, for example – my epic back pain that I have sometimes, obviously caused by my scoliosis, which makes my muscles adjust to the curve and kind of “make me straight” even though I’m crooked. I’ve known this – but it was really cool to see the adjustments in action:

gCloth Inserts - I'm doing it!

When I lay down one of my hips extends higher than the other. So the muscle behind my hip has to extend further to properly connect everything – which is some of where my back pain comes from. But beyond that it caused my round ligaments (your round ligaments hold your uterus in and stretch during pregnancy) to stretch differently, and my uterus to be essentially crooked. I know this is true because every time I have a surge, my uterus contracts, but instead of being in the middle, it’s just under my right rib, which gave a really great explanation for why when I was in the hospital, I had to move the monitor to my right for them to pick up the contractions on the monitor. But with adjustments, he can fix this. Magic, right? Like, reaching inside your body and moving shit around, only with a tiny amount of pressure in concentrated places on the OUTSIDE. So weird. This coupled with some issues with my long muscle in the right side of my back may have meant a more difficult labor, because the baby would not have been able to situate himself properly to come out of the birth canal.

I also heard a story yesterday of him being able to get a baby turned from breech position in adjustments over a 3 week period, which is really cool.

I already had a great appreciation for chiropractic care since Angie’s hubby worked on me a few times – but it’s definitely something that is easy to push to the wayside when $$ is tight or when you just don’t have enough time to do it.

At any rate – their studies indicate that chiropractic care shortens labor significantly, which I’m sure will make the natural route significantly easier.

I have to do daily hip exercises (I was supposed to be doing some already to prepare for birth) and stretches to assist in my adjustments. I picked up a big exercise ball and started them last night. So now preparing for birth is becoming a full time job – exercises every day, relaxation with ice at night, practicing breathing and listening to the hypnobirthing techniques and affirmations in bed – beyond all the other research, reading and nesting I have going on. Now we’ve officially made it through the Bradley Method book, The Hypnobirthing book, and 3/4 of the way through the Breastfeeding book. Next is the Vaccine Book, which I’ve downloaded to my Kindle and more parenting stuff.

Kyle got his life insurance finally – and we still need to do the will, but beyond that we’re making amazing progress on finances. Our goal was to have all of our credit cards paid off by the time he gets here, putting us in a great position to pay down a few loans and essentially be debt free (minus our mortgage, obviously) by the time he’s 1 year old – and putting us into a position where we’re not just saving for his college, but saving for short term fun things like a truck and a boat – because I’m done financing liabilities. Thankfully Kyle has been kicking ass on commissions the past few months and it more than makes up for my minimal client list. Paying off credit cards hurts while you’re doing it – but I honestly believe that forking over that cash is the only way you’ll teach yourself never to do it again.

So – financially, mentally, physically and literally – we’re making room in our lives for this baby. I can’t tell you what a blessing in disguise this little guy has been for us. I would never have locked down our finances and taken such a leap into a great financial responsibility without this pregnancy. And our relationship is literally the best it has ever been. I’ve never been happier… and to think about our initial reactions to everything and how far we’ve come from there. It’s pretty fucking awesome.

And now… here’s his room:

How cute is the little door hanger that Sarah’s mom picked out?

The shelves are finally done. I may replace the pics of the dogs and the one of us with maternity pics – but for now the shelves are full and I’m happy The glass jars in the middle shelf are holding pacifers, teethers and little toys – I repurposed them from the baby shower, compliments of Angela. The book in the top right shelf Kyle picked out, it’s called “That’s not my elephant” -too cute, right? The Gator sock monkey is from the Spiro family, along with the Vulli giraffe. I found the blue sock monkey at Hallmark. Books are from miscellaneous people – Mark, Sarah and Abe, Casey, Spiros, Whitney’s aunt, and we picked up a couple. I think I mentioned before the elephants are from my childhood. The little red heart on the Beatles lyric print (there’s a matching one on the other side of the room) Kyle’s little sister gave us when she was like….9, it’s made out of  clay. The big K is made by a girl I met on Instagram.

Inside the crib (obviously all this besides the white terry sheet saver – from Tom and Meagen – will be out when he gets here). Blue and white bear is from Whitney’s grandma, the little blue and white bear is from the mobile that Jennifer gave me, it broke off, the blanket bear is from Allie and Jason, the little rattle came off a blanket that Kiera got me, the elephant blanket is from Etsy and my mom crocheted the bigger pastel blanket.

I just love this area. I hope sits on it and plays with toys and reads books one day The tissue boxes are from my shower that Whit/her mom threw me. My mom got me the breastfeeding pillow. Next to that is his baby book!

Changing station – that dresser is packed with diapering stuff, newborn clothes and breastfeeding stuff. The mobile is custom made by Kiera – so of COURSE it matches perfectly. I love the Beatles lyrics and the little custom made crocheted elephant. The white bear I got from Kyle 3 days after we got together for Valentines Day, and the overalls Build a Bear I made with my first college roommates. The little jars in front of the bears are holding more pacifers and nail clippers/brushes (also from the candy bar at my baby shower). The baby gate keeps the pups out The letters that spell his name we got at Michaels – Kyle mounted them to a piece of wood.

A closer view of the changing station. You can’t really see him, but the little elephant was mine from when I was little, my mom reclothed him in the leftover bedding materials, so he matches. In LOVE with that elephant night light from Kyle’s parents up north. It changes colors and comes off its charging station so you can put it anywhere in the room for more light. Burp cloths, boogie wipes, q-tips and some newborn diapers that will last us through until he fits into the small gdiapers are in the little caddy.

The K on the picture in this angle is from our wedding initials that we used on our cake table. I love that green elephant print. It’s hard to seee, but the gray metal airplane and little picture hanging from it are from the baby shower that Whitney and her mom threw me.

This one has a little better view of the plane and my rocker. Do you not love the pillow and blanket my mom made?

All my breastfeeding stuff – breast pump and bag of spare parts, nursing pads, nursing covers, spare crib sheets, moby wrap

The polka dots are kinda random, but I had leftover foam from the closet dividers we made. I can picture him when he’s older up in the bunk bed under the fake leaves playing.

Inside the ridiculously cluttered closet. Once we put the car seat and stroller into the car it won’t be so bad… but for now it’s a little much.

That’s it!! It’s done! This baby is allowed to come now. Well, not now, but you know.